Faithfully Serving Humanity

Posted in Fortune Magazine by DCroy on 17 December 2008


Clark Grave Vaults

Clark Grave Vaults

Clark’s ad agency at least managed to pull together a nice grid, some good script, and a decent illustration, but what an otherwise pandering piece of ugh. Hey Funeral Director: you’re not a creepy, if necessary, service provider hanging around like a vulture to filch a semi-fraudulent living off of human misery. You’re just like a dentist or a priest! You’re not selling a mostly ridiculous (not to mention ridiculously overpriced) product: a Vault that may or may not be permanently sealed against moisture for some reason that isn’t exactly clear. What, are we gonna dig the thing up and check?

The “My Duty” blurb at the end makes me wonder if it was written by the same guy who wrote the booklet: Free! – This little book has set a new record for literature of its kind. Contains some beautiful gems of comforting philosophy. Also tells, simply and clearly, just what to do if you are called upon to “take charge.” Thousands have been requested. It should be on file in your secret drawer against a time of need. Sent free of charge.

N.B.: I don’t really want to think about the secret drawers of funeral directors.

By the way, Clark is still providing “unequaled eternal protection,” and do check out the website for an alarming object lesson in how bad cheap graphic design has become. Clark used to spend some green to hype their scam – Fortune was not a cheap media buy, I’m sure. What are they spending it on now?


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